A Most Extrodinary Talent

Greetings, greetings it is I King Bonehead returned after a brief trip to the doldrums to regale you with tales of wonder, wiffle ball, and waffles. First, my brief trip to the doldrums. I admit, I was caught up in the depressed mood the country seems to be going through at the moment despite the stimuless package but have decided that as long as I can have a Dr. Pepper and plant things in my yard I'll be ok. For any of you who don't already know, we live in a VERY small town. About 7000 I'd guess. Living in a small town brings with it some unique experiences. For example, I went to the local plant nursery today and started talking with the lady in charge. As I described what I wanted to plant in the front yard, she said "Oh that will look wonderful right next to your driveway!" Huh?
"Have you seen my house?" I asked innocently.
"Oh yeah. It's the brown one on Pinto." Insert twilight zone music now. She then made suggestions about what might look nice next to the house too. I didn't argue. And when I had a question about a certain plant, she gave me directions to her house as well as three others where I could go see what they look like. I secretly wondered if the people that live in those houses sit at home wondering why so many people show up out of the blue just to get out of their cars and gawk at their Yucca Recurvifolia.

Well, enough said for now. The family is doing wonderfully. My oldest is doing home school and therefore my wife is a certified hero. When she's not pulling her hair out. We might have to invest in Rogaine before long. He is also doing scouts, trumpet and piano lessons, and soccer. His first tournament was a lesson in abject humiliation. His team showed up and discovered they had to play the Area 51 genetic mutant team of indeterminate age and origin. They had kids with legs that were bigger than my whole kid! Ugh. He did alright though.

Parker and Alex are starting baseball and are both really good at it. Alex likes any sport that allows him to get dirty. And as for Marcus, well, he is the title of today's edition.

Every Monday we have family night which means we don't do extra curricular stuff. It's our night. And we make a big deal of it. We have an activity and a snack, a short lesson about something good and a talent. Each week one or more of our boys gets to show off a talent they have. You might be thinking, "how sweet." If so, please read more about my boys. Usually when it's talent time we go get the first aid kit and a fire extinguisher. So tonight Marcus comes up to me and wants me to watch his talent he's been practicing for family night (remember, he's 3). I say, "Ok Marcus show me what you've got". He then turns around and grabs the squirt bottle and squirts himself dead in the face. Repeatedly! He then wipes it off with a towel and says, "I'm all wet dad. Cool." Yep, that's my kid.

Well that's all the news that's fit to print so until next time if you really want to impress someone squirt yourself in the face. It'll leave em' speechless.

Say Cheese! Please?

There is one rule to follow when trying to take pictures of your children: Don't. Many a state hospital is filled with seasoned photographers who went crazy trying to get a child to "Look at the fuzzy ball and say 'Cheese!'" And while I'm on the subject, why Cheese? What is it about saying cheese that mysteriously makes kids smile? My kids are not particularly crazy about cheese and so when we say it they don't smile, but get sort of a pained, "Do we have to eat that stuff again" look on their face. Here's two classic examples: #1 Place: The Cabin. Task: To get my son Alex (aka Shark Bait) to stand next to his cousin and smile. Results: Why do I even bother? Alex seems to take it as a personal challenge to keep us from ever getting a normal shot of him. So far he's winning. Big time.







#2 Place: Our House. Challenge: To get Marcus to smile for a nice happy shot. Extra Challenge: He sleeps in the same room with Shark Bait. Results: Dang it. Shark Bait beat us to him.

Help! Rabid Child!

What is it with my kids and toothpaste!? Here I am, just trying to be a good dad and help my kids brush their teeth so they don't cost me thousands in cavity repair and I end up being attacked by a toothpaste happy rabid-child.

As you know, Marcus is two, which means he is learning that it is very important that he learns everything...by doing it all himself and brushing his teeth is no exception. Our routine goes like this: I hold up the tube of Batman and Sponge Bob toothpaste and he has to choose. Tonight is Sponge Bob. He then insists on putting the toothpaste on his own brush which means that after he puts it on I have to clean off the sink, his shirt, and the floor. Then I say, "Okay Marcus, I'll start and you finish." Of course he refuses and says, "I start. You finish." This is what I wanted in the first place. (That was a little bit of psychology folks). Well, tonight as I was brushing away he kept his mouth closed which meant he built up a ton of toothpaste foam inside his mouth. After nearly a minute of good scrubbing blue foam was leaking out the sides of his mouth. Being an insightful type of father I thought maybe this would be a good time to rinse. Well, upon pulling the toothbrush out of his mouth some of the stuff flipped onto my face which made me say, "Gaa!" He laughed. I wish he wouldn't have done that. He literally exploded on me! And as I stood there covered in a fine shade of blue goo, he said, "Daddy I 'pit on you." Yeah, no kidding.