The Non-DNA Sports Gene

Great Galloping Hornytoads, it's nearly October! And at the Bonehead ranch that means we'd better decorate for Halloween! It's true my family endures a lot of curious questions about my sanity around this time of year but oh well, you only live life once. And speaking of living life once, I used to want to only eat natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Burger King for all!

Well, to get right to the point of today's edition, I have four boys who love soccer. They love flag football. They love baseball. They love competition of any kind. And not only that, but they are all really good at them. Right now soccer is going on and Josh Parker and Alex are all top players on their teams. Saturday was the Northern Arizona Middle School Soccer Tournament and Josh's team took 3rd overall. Now the neat thing about that is that In game 2 Josh scored 2 goals to end the game at a tie and in the 3rd game scored the only goal of the game to win for us. He got a plaque. Parker and Alex are right on his tail in their leagues. Parker is becoming a very aggressive goalie and Alex a solid half-back.
How did they learn this? People say it is in the genes. Well if that's true than I'd better do my family history because it ain't from me that's for sure! Allow me to explain. My earliest sporty memories are of elementary school "Red Rover" or "Kick Ball" teams and how much people fought over me..
"You take him!"
"No way, you take him!"
"We don't want him so you get him!"
"We got stuck with him last time!"
"So? Take him again!"
There actually was one game where I was always chosen first; Smear the Queer. This is a game where you give one guy a football and tell him to run and then the other 49 guys run after him and try to tackle the bejeezus out of him. It was so great to be in demand back then. Needless to say that did a lot for my desire to play public sports and so I never did.
So where did my kids get it? Could it be that there is a gene somewhere in my DNA that would explain my kids' talents? Nope. I just asked Neisha if she was sporty growing up and she said, "Yep, I was always playing sports. In fact at recess I never played with the girls. I was always playing soccer and football with the boys." Dang, I was hoping there.
I'll tell you though, there's nothing quite so great as witnessing your son do something great and seeing him being congratulated by his teammates.

And maybe this is a bit on the warm and fuzzy side, but in the game of life your teammates are your family and when one of your kids makes a great play don't forget to congratulate them.

Love the Johnsons

Through the Eyes of a Child

Hello and welcome to September!!!
For all you boneheads across what is left of our free country we are enjoying soccer season. 4 boys, 3 teams, 2 parents, 1 bottle of Alieve. That about sums it up. Actually they are all doing great and are star players on their teams! (insert proud dad look here). Of course, as dad is out there sweating and coaching them on and working with them, the first thing they do when they see you and their mother at the game is to say "Hi Mom!" Oh well.

The purpose of this entry is to bring attention to a rare moment in parenting; catching a glimpse of life through your child's eyes. Now sometimes you have a child like Marcus who likes to tell you EVERYTHING on his mind over and over again. All day. This gets annoying. And then he tells you everything that SHOULD BE on your mind. Stuff like sharing your candy, giving him money, giving him your gum, buying him toys, etc. And then there is Josh. Josh is entering that gauntlet of life from which no boy returns. He has become somewhat secretive and quiet. He broods. But he doesn't say a whole lot about what his little pre-pubescent mind is thinking. Well stop the press! I happened to be on the computer today and ran across this little gem. After reading it though I wonder if I need to laugh and tell him what a great writer he is, or put him in his room. :) Read on...


How to torture your little brothers


Have you ever felt angry or annoyed? Well, here’s the answer to your problem: torture your brothers! This is a fail-safe way to get you back in shape. There are several ways to torture your little brothers. Today I will explain three of them.

The first method is to do something to your brothers (like poke them). If they tell you to stop after a while, then you’re doing well. After they say, “stop” you keep doing it until they either go tell your parents or until you think you’ve done enough. If they tell your parents and you get sent to your room, start doing it again when you come out. Keep doing this till they start crying. Then you start laughing like you think it’s really funny. When they run off crying your work is done.

Another way is to take their stuff and then show it to them. When they say “give it back its mine” run around for a while then throw it out the front door. Keep doing this until you feel better or you get sent to your room 3 times. After that stop or else risk big punishment. This technique is something I’ve used many times. It works very well.

The last way to torture them is to call them a name. If one of your brothers has a name they hate people to call them start calling them that name. When they start crying, stop. When your parents ask you if you called them that name, you say yes. If you do that they will get very mad or frustrated. On the way to your room, call them the name one more time for effect.

These methods are not advisable unless you’re really angry or annoyed that day. Even then be cautious because you might get into bigger trouble than you thought. This essay was written from experience. All of the methods are genuine and do work. Happy Torturing.

What else can I say? Happy torturing!