Sunday, May 17, 2009

The Best Dating Advice. Ever.

Well it is time for me to write something happy in the old family blog and get the Bamster's new youth army out of there. Yeech. Life at the ranch is great. The kids are all playing baseball and having fun with it, the sprinklers are watering most of what they're supposed to, and the trees are a bloomin. To catch you up on landscaping adventures I am learning how to lay flagstone (how not to lay it more like) and how to pull out weeds. Man I love that! There's nothing quite like the satisfaction of having been so successful at growing them.

Neisha and I were recently spotted in the ballet production of Sleeping Beauty where we played courtiers and later a prince. It ended up being kind of fun. No I didn't wear tights and no mom, I'm not gay. Sheesh.

Now on to the title. As some of you know, Josh is 12 and on the brink of entering the age of unbelievable. As much as we've tried to parent the alien out of him we're noticing irregular bulges in his stomach region and a strange murky odor that seems to seep from his room. While driving around the other day he gave some of the greatest dating advice I've ever heard. Yes I know he's only 12 and won't date until he's 16 but that's ok. I'm writing it down now for posterity sake. While in the car he pointed to the Christmas Tree air freshner and said to mom, "Mom someday when I need cologne I can just hang one of those around my neck!"
Mom: (through near uncontrollable laughter) I can just see you with a 'smell' necklace.
Josh: I wouldn't wear it on the outside of my shirt, I'd put it on the inside!"
Mom: (Through totally uncontrollable laughter) I just love you Josh, you're so great.
Josh: Well, it smells like cologne...

Yep, that's my son. Mr. Vanilla-roma. His other dating advice was around the subject of what to feed your date. Josh said his idea of a creative date was to have a dinner where he put real bugs in the brownies. It would add a little crunch and his date would likely never know. It would be highly entertaining....for him. Mom said he'd better date someone he didn't like very much. Josh said, "Why?" Now why is this such great advice? Because if he follows it, it should nicely guarantee that he won't date much before going on his mission. Maybe I'll wait to tell him the real scoop until afterwards. Good times, good times.

Well that's all the news that's fit to print. Stay tuned next time for Lessons Learned from Dad. My kids have been nagging me to write about when I hit my toe with a hammer on purpose. sigh.

No comments: