Remembering Parker and the Stupid Patrol

Chidlren do grow up fast, don't they? I mean, one moment you're taking them home from the hospital wrapped in a hospital-standard-issue blankie and the next you're taking them back to the hospital with a not-hospital-standard-issue steel ball up their nose. Sigh.

You know, when I think about parenting, I think about the look on parents' faces. I think about the smile on your wife's face when she tells you she's going to have a baby. I think about the look of panic when you both discover how much it will cost to have said baby. I think about the look of pain and revenge when your wife is delivering the baby. And then I think of the look of absolute confusion when you both get home from the hospital with your new little one and think, "Now what?"

I'm guessing that look of confusion will pretty much be permanent for the next 25 years. Frequently our kids do stuff that I just don't get. Like why kids make themselves barf. It defies logic. Let me delve into the Bonehead archives and give you an example from when Parker was several months old:

We were all in the kitchen making something when we hear Parker barf on himself. We turned around and there he sat smiling about it. Ok.... Neisha then informed me that this was the 3rd time he had done it today and she wished he would keep his big fat hands out of his mouth. Interesting. I started to watch Parker and sure enough as soon as Neisha turned around to wash out the hand towel, he quickly stuck his hand in his mouth and commenced gagging himself. I had my hands full with food and so Neisha took his hand out and said to "Stoppit!". Let the games begin! It went something like this:
Mom: Stoppit!
Parker: Blorph.
Mom: Stoppit!
Parker: Ack-hrumph
Mom: STOPPIT!
Parker: Gak' (chuckle)
Mom: KNOCK IT OFF!!
Parker: Blecch
Mom: PARKER, QUIT IT!!

Final Score: Mom 0, Parker 5 barfs. Well, Parker is now 9 and doesn't barf for fun anymore but does occasionally become the evil Dr. Vox who believes that the best way to cure a headache is to remove your head. That's a story for another day. But to finish today's title, we have taught our kids that certain words aren't good to say to each other or us. One of those words is "Stupid". We sat the kids down and told them that calling someone "stupid" is mean and not to do it. Discussion over. Or so we thought. We have a 2 year old who can speak. In psychological terms he would be known as a Parrot: A small colorful animal that has the annoying habit of repeating everything you say, especially in embarrassing public situations.

Marcus the parrot has taken this lesson to heart. Anytime he hears the word stupid, no matter what part of the house he happens to be in, will come running into the room and yell at you, "WE DON'T SAY STUPID!" One time just for fun I asked him if I could say, "Idiot" instead. His answer? "Yeah, that's a good word. You can say that Dad."